Postcards from London
by ButtonsMagoo
Summary: Emily and Steph share a flat, and they receive a postcard from Emily's brother; Howard. Meanwhile, Lucie needs a break from her Business and Hattie wants to make sure she gets the break she needs and to see her brother; Vince - will only end in a party!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thank you Emily, Lucie, Hattie and Steph who've made me happy and written – or have offered (: to write my birthday fiction, so I couldn't think of a better way to say thank you other than write you all a little special something! So Thank you guys! Much love is in this ficlet (:**  
**  
Disclaimers: The mighty boosh and all it's affiliated characters belong to Julian Barratt, Noel Fielding, BB3 and Baby cow productions, Emily Lucie, Steph and Hattie belong to themselves, and the same goes for Bill Bailey.**

**I hope you like guys; the next chapter will be up soon!**

Emily studied the postcard that had fallen through her door and landed lazily on the 'welcome' mat. Her brother hadn't been in contact with her for almost 10 years, well since he'd dropped out of school and began working at a zoo, and now he'd sent her a postcard with his address and where bouts.

"How strange." Emily mumbled throwing the postcard onto the key bowl that was situated by the door and held the keys to the flat and Stephs car keys.

"What?" Steph asked, looking up from her laptop momentarily to her flatmate.

"Well, you know Howard don't you?" Emily asked, slapping Stephs bare feet off the sofa and sitting down.

"Well no, but I know ofhim, why?" Steph replied, grumbling as she moved her body around and plonking her feet on the coffee table, kicking the TV mag on the floor.

"He's just sent me a postcard from London."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. With his address on and what not." Emily replied, reaching for the remote and flicking through the channels mumbling 'shit, shit, more shit and shit' under her breath.

"Oh leave that on!" Steph shouted, pointing at the TV, flapping her arms in excitement.

"The news?" Emily asked confused.

"No down a channel!" Steph exclaimed.

"Oh, Bill Bailey?"

"Yeah, he's funny." Steph said, almost childlike and she began to type speedily to someone she was talking to on MSN.

* * *

Lucie slouched in her house, throwing her handbag and keys on the floor; she shuffled into the living room and slumped down on the sofa – exhausted.

She didn't understand how her brother managed to run a shop, her newly opened baby-grow business was going great, but all the customers - it was just too much for her. She looked at the phone lying on the table and reached for it, dialling the London area code and a phone number after it, she needed a good conversation and Hattie was the only person she wanted to talk to. Her mood needed a lift.

* * *

Hattie danced around her bedroom, IAMX booming through the speakers on her computer, MySpace taking up her internet explorer page. Her windows were wide open; the London air blowing through her windows. She didn't hear her mother shout her. Once, twice, three times, four times.

"HARRIET!" a voice screeched over 'President' Hattie jumped and turned her speakers right down and sheepishly walked to the top of the stairs.

"Yes?" She asked her voice innocent.

"Don't you answer to your name when you are shouted?!" her mother asked, holding the phone out, Hattie sighed and ran down the stairs to grab the phone.  
Her mum just sighed and walked away, singing along to the song that was playing on radio one.

"Hello?"

"_Heya, Hattie its Lucie_." Lucie spoke from the other end. Hattie smiled.

"Hello! How're you and how's the business? Booming I suppose?"

"_Booming a little too well_, _I'm knackered, how Vince manages to run his shop I don't know."_

"Maybe he has help? And bedsides you're getting business and that's good! Moneys darling! We should go on holiday together wouldn't that be great?"

_"Oh, if I went on holiday I wouldn't come home, although I'm going to have to have a break – If I see another baby grow this week then I'll scream."_

"Well you know, you're always welcome to crash here."

_"Thank you Hattie but I was thinking about seeing if Naboo had any spare rooms available, I've gotta come away from here."_

"Oh, if you like I can pop down and have a couple of words with him!" Hattie said, grabbing her hoodie off the back of her door.

_"Would you? It's just my phone bill…."_

"Of course I will, right then I'll be off now!"

_"Now?"_

"Yeah, the sooner the better, bye bye!" Hattie pressed 'end' on the hand held device and rushed out the door, shouting something to her mother about 'going to the shops, back later'. She pulled her iPod out her bag and selected, artists, IAMX and continued her binge, bopping her way down the road and onto a passing bus, paying her fair and watching as each stop went by – purposefully going past her stop by two and then getting off and walking the half mile back to the Nabootique.

* * *

Emily had the post card in her hand again and was studying it – again, ignoring the giggles that where emitting from Steph as Bill talked about 'acts of god'.

"Maybe I should go and see him." She said, not expecting a reply.

"Yeah, you should." Steph said, not tearing her eyes from the telly but acknowledging her nonetheless.

"Maybe we can catch a train."

"Whoa, where did we come from?" Steph asked, looking at Emily.

"It's in London."

"Oh really! Well then you should definitely go, and I should definitely go with you – for safety and what not, London's a bad place, lots of bad people I don't want you to get hurt!" Steph said, closing her laptop and rushing to the door for her shoes.

"Whoa there, speedy Gonzales! We're not going now!"

"Yes we are, c'mon it'll be great and a nice surprise for Howard!"

"I suppose."

"Yes!" Shouted Steph, throwing a pair of converse at Emily.

"We need to pack an over night bag though…" Emily began pointing to her bedroom with her thumbs.

"We're going to London, we can get new stuff."

"Alright then, where's all this money coming from?" Emily asked, Steph just reached into her pocket and pulled out a credit card, smiling.

"We'll suffer the consequences later, c'mon!" Steph exclaimed, thrusting the card back into her pocket, grabbing her car keys and her handbag.

"I though we were getting the train?"

"Can't we drive?" Steph asked pleadingly and jumped for joy when Emily nodded, grabbed her bag, the postcard and pushed Steph out the door who'd starting singing _'we're going to London to buy heat magazine.'_

* * *

Hattie this is a surprise! Long time no see, how're you then?" Vince exclaimed rushing round the counter and pulling Hattie into a huge hug.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Hattie wheezed, unable to breath.

"Oh sorry." Vince said smiling and loosening his grip on his friend.

"No problems, I've got a favour to ask you."

"Yeah?"

"Do you have anywhere for Lucie to stay?"

"Lucie!" Vince shouted happily.

"Where is she?" Vince asked, looking around Hattie and rushing to the door, gripping the frame and hanging out looking all around for his younger sister.

"She's in Wales." Hattie said, killing Vince's excitement.

"Oh."

"But she wants to come down, her new shop is dragging her down and she needs a break."

"She can have my bed; I'll sleep on the sofa or cosy up with Howard!"

"Wont Naboo mind?"

"Nah, he's out on another Shaman stag night."

"Who's getting married?"

"Kirk, to three women."

"Three women?"

"Yeah, the little pimp, anyway Lucie's coming down Have you rung her?"

"She rung me earlier, but I've got no credit just free texts so I'll text her to let her know and I guess she'll be here before you know it, she needs a break." Hattie explained, reaching in her bag and pulling out her phone tapping the keys wildly with her fingers, Vince just watched in awe – he loved watching fast texters.

* * *

Lucie grabbed clothes from every hanger, drawer or shelf she could find and thrust them into her suitcase, she pulled brushes, hairspray, and wax off her shelf and flung them in and she practically emptied her whole underwear drawer in the suitcase.  
She kept starting at her phone in joy, at her best text she'd received in ages – she was going to London, away from the work, baby grows and she was going to see her Brother, Hattie and Howard and she was excited, she scribbled down a note for her husband and stuck it on the fridge – spelling his name out with the fridge magnets.  
She then grabbed her purse of the side and looked at the train timetable that had been thrust in her handbag from previous train rides.

* * *

"Well done, we're lost." Emily sighed, as Steph tried to navigate her way around London.

"I've never been here in the car before, London's a busy place!" She shouted, pressing her horn as a ford mondaeo jumped lanes right in front of her. "And it doesn't help when you get twats like this, jumping lanes."

"Steph, just look at your satnav, you've ignored it since we got into London."

"Yes, because about 10 minutes ago it was telling me to drive into a river." Steph shouted, smashing her head on the steering wheel as the green lights turned red plunging them into more traffic.

"And you wanted to go shopping…"

"We'll do that later – on foot, where about is this shop?" Steph asked looking at the postcard in Emily's hand.

"Dalston, I saw a sign about 200 yards back saying it was two miles away."

"Right, did it point where?"

"Yes, turn left at the lights."

"Right you are!" Steph smiled as the lights turned green and she sped off round the corner, glad when she saw that most of the traffic was heading in the opposite direction.

* * *

_"we're sorry for the delay, but the train to London will be pulling into the station momentarily."_

"Finally!" Lucie said, folding her magazine and standing up ready to board the train, it had been 45minutes late and the time was getting ridiculously late – 5:25pm.

* * *

"Vince!" Howard shouted, as he ran down the stairs.

"What?" He replied, disgruntled about being taken from his conversation with Hattie.

"You didn't tell me Emily and Steph where coming down."

"I didn't know, why where are they?"

"They've just park-"

"Hey guys!" Steph shouted bursting through the door and running up to Vince giving him a hug – she'd never met him before but she knew from first sight that he was a looker.

"Hey, sis." Howard said, walking up to Emily who just stood in the doorway taking the shop in.

"Hey Howard, been a long time hasn't it?" Emily said smiling, holding her arms out and hugging her Brother.

"Yeah, how're you?"

"Great thanks, you?"

"Yeah, I'm a writer now."

"No he's not." Vince shouted laughing; Howard just turned around and scowled at him.

"Thanks don't worry about him."

"Who is that, as a matter of fact who are all of your friends, introduce me!" Emily said skipping off into the shop and standing around.

"Well this is, Vince. Vince, Emily. Emily, Vince and this is Hattie."

"Hello, there! Oh by the way, this is Steph – everyone Steph, Steph…Everyone!"

"Wotcher." Steph said smiling and diving into conversation with Vince and Hattie who where talking about mouse traps and hats.

"You'll have to excuse the mess, Vince's cousin has been staying and she leave destruction where ever she goes, and we held a birthday party for her and well, we haven't had time to have the place cleaned up."

"Oh well, we can have another party tonight then, like a reunion."

"Well we've got to wait for Lucie."

"Lucie?"

"Vince's sister."

"Oh fantastic more people! I love people." Emily said, and almost as if on queue Lucie knocked on the shops door smiling broadly.

"VINCE!" She shouted happily, dumping her case on the floor and running forwards to her Brother, hugging him.

"Hello Lucie." He smiled, hugging her back, he winked at Emily who smiled broadly and nudged Howard.

"Party time?" she asked.

"Why not."

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Again, thank you guys! I love you all.**

**The ending with Emily was her request, do not panic yourselves.  
Also Lucie , I'm sorry if you're ending isn't what you wanted its just I wasn't too sure what to do with you, and with you off seeing the boosh tonight (lucky) I couldn't message you to ask – sorry!  
Steph – I'm pretty sure you'll love me (:  
And well Hattie, ;) yeah…**

**And so without further ado, here you go guys have a laugh enjoy and know that I love you all (:**

**Disclaimers – look at the last chapter, the only thing I'm adding is that I own myself (:**

* * *

Emily, Steph, Hattie and Howard all ran around the flat, re- hanging fallen down streamers, bringing drinks in and putting them on the table, taking down the 'happy birthday' banner and picking the empty party popper canisters off the floor amongst many other party preparations,' GIRL' pounded through Vince's Hi-fi system, making Howard's ears bleed.

"So how come you've got most of the party gear ready? Did you know I was coming?" Lucie shouted over the music to her brother.

"Jamie's been down; we threw her a birthday party." Vince replied, dancing along to the music and picking up pieces of coloured paper off the floor.

"Oh right, where is she now?" Lucie asked helping Vince with the clearing up.

"She's at a friends house, spent the last three nights there – lord knows when she's coming back, she's only 14 and we still don't know how to control her." Vince said chuckling. "So how long you down for?"

"As long as it takes me to calm down, that business is just getting on top of me!"

"No problem! Now c'mon let – Steph!" Vince shouted as he watched Steph fall off a step ladder, her 7th bottle of Smirnoff going flying across the room.  
Steph just giggle and pushed the step ladder off her, she crawled towards her now empty bottle, the contents fizzing on the carpet, and grabbed it.

"Jesus Christ, she's pissed and we've not even began drinking!" Shouted Hattie, laughing hysterically at Steph who was balancing the bottle on her head.  
The work carried on, the bottles of Smirnoff, wine and shandy diminished, leaving only cans of cider, everyone, but Howard giggling mad at nothing or the occasional passing fly.

"I know!" Shouted Steph, holding a bottle over her head, "Let's play spin the bottle!"

"You're drunk." Howard said glaring at Steph.

"You're drunk…drunk, you're drunk." Steph mimicked "And guess what, so is your dad." She finished rolling about on the floor in hysterics, the others joining in – Howard being the only one who wasn't impressed stood up to leave, Hattie jumped at this and grabbed his corduroy clad legs.

"Don't" she hiccupped "don't leave honey, sit down play a game it'll be fun." She smiled, as she pulled Howard back down and thrust a can of Magners under his nose, it crumpled up but he took it thankfully and pulled at the ring pull taking a sip and smiling at the taste and necking down the rest of the can, holding it out to a bewildered Hattie who just replaced it with another can and began to lean on him lovingly.

"Right then, Spin the bottle?" Emily asked taking the bottle from Steph and placing it in the middle of the circle the group had formed; she spun it round and watched as it spun, and flicking out the last dregs of vodka as it went round. Eventually it landed on Vince who grinned and watched as it was spun around again, landing on Steph – who wasn't paying attention but playing with her socks.

"Steph!" Emily shouted, bringing her out of her daze. "Right, I dare Vince to put your sock in his mouth."

"Urgh!" Vince shouted reeling back as the black sock was chucked at him. "I'm not doing that, it's sick."

"Oi, I'll have you know that they where clean on today!" Steph replied, Vince just shrugged, turned his nose up and put the sock in his mouth, his eyes glazed over and after 30 seconds he spat it out.

"Tastes like cheese." He giggled, grabbing the bottle and spinning it, after 10 seconds of it spinning, and everyone's eyes going round and round it stopped on Hattie, and after that on Howard. Vince smiled mischievously and looked at Hattie who smiled back pleadingly.

"I dare Hattie to give Howard a snog." He giggled, Hattie giggled too leaning forwards towards the Maverick who reeled back, she advanced closer, and Howard leant back more – he was practically horizontal at this point. Hattie just carried on leaning forwards until she was lying on top of Howard, smiling down on his uncomfortable face, she put her hands on his cheeks and planted a kiss on his moustached mouth, and she was most surprised when the kiss was returned, the maverick and the girls tongues entwining with each other, the smell of alcohol deep in their breaths. Emily smiled, but stuck her nose up at the display of affection (usually this thing didn't bother her, but it was her brother who getting off), Steph giggled and clapped happily, Lucie just stared gobsmacked and Vince was pale and looked almost close to feinting – none of them had expected it to happen.  
Hattie pulled away and wiped her mouth on the back of her sleeve and smiled lovingly down at Howard who smiled back.

"What's it like then?" He asked.

"What?" She replied.

"Getting off with an older man?"

"Bloody fantastic, c'mon Howard lets go somewhere more private Howard." Hattie giggled grabbing Howard's hand and pulling him downstairs to the shop below.  
Vince just stared after them, completely shocked, and looking more sober.

"Unbelievable." He mumbled.

"What?" Asked Emily, looking at Vince.

"I've been trying to get a kiss off him for 5 whole years! She comes in for one day and Boom! She's his?" Vince said, not taking his gaze of the stairs.

"Oh Vincey, c'mere." Steph giggled pulling the Mod into her arms and stroking his soft hair.

"Oh Steph, I mean I like you and stuff, but we've – we've only just met" Vince stammered, tripping over his words."

"Go on Vince!" Emily smiled, pushing him on the shoulder, Vince just shrugged and planted a kiss on Stephs lips, leaving her shocked, and remarkably making her sober up slightly, she received the kiss like a letter in the post and returned it first class, smearing her lip gloss all over his cleanly shaven face, giggling as she did so.  
They too adventured off somewhere around the building leaving Lucie and Emily all on their own. Lucie looked around and smiled.

* * *

Hattie's heart pounded as she sat in the shop watching as Howard wandered upstairs to go to the toilets, she chewed on the skin on her fingers and smiled at the sky thanking the 'heavens' she listened as she heard noises from upstairs, and she presumed that Vince had paired off with one of the other girls but she didn't really care who because she knew that she had Howard and she didn't care about the age difference. She reached into her bah and looked at her phone 'three missed calls' and she had no end of texts from her mother, asking where she was. 'Ooop's' she though as she replied to the text simply as 'staying at a friends house' she flipped her phone down and thrust it back in her bag, she fished around for some mints and took a couple chewing on them in hope that her breath would smell more like mints and not iron brew WKD.

* * *

Vince and Steph smiled at each other, as they lay arm in arm on the kitchen floor, they'd finished kissing for the time being and had taken to a game of 'guess what's in the mystery can' Naboo had bought a whole box full of cheap cans from the local ALDI and they had no labels on them.

"Peaches and cream." Steph said shaking a can.

"Nah, I bet its baked beans." Vince said, taking the can off her and tapping it with his finger he shrugged and picked the can opener off the floor, he clamped it on the side of the can and spun it round opening it up to find baked beans.

"How did you know?" Steph asked, Vince just smiled and pointed to the other cans that where lying around, all of them where beans. Steph just nodded and laughed.

"That's how I know." Vince said smilingand tapping his nose, he pulled Steph round and kissed her again, knocking the cans over and staining his white top, but he didn't care – he didn't even notice.

* * *

Emily and Lucie had almost drank the house dry and where sat in the flat giggling talking about shoes, and polyester their hair was a mess for some unknown reason and the sofa had been pushed on its back, making it look like some kind of shield to hide behind, pillows where all over the floor and a smashed vase lay messily pushed in the corner – the girls innocently pretended that they'd just been talking and not having a mass pillow fight. A large bang emitted from the kitchen followed by a cry and a fit of giggles, the girls just ignored it and giggled themselves, considering this to be the best worst party they'd ever been to. Howard shuffled out the bathroom door pulling his trousers up and walking off down the stairs, Emily wolf whistled at him and giggled some more, as Howard jokingly flicked the 'v's at them.

"Cheeky bugger!" Lucie smiled, as she took her last sip from her bottle and tipped it upside down disappointed "Empty." The hi-fi system in the corner flicked itself on 'random' and began playing 'goodbye Mr A' Emily and Lucie jumped up in unison and began dancing around the flat jumping on the chairs and using their empty bottles as microphones, both singing rather crudely from their state – although usually the girls where brilliant singers, just being drunk doing help certain things.  
Lucie fell to the floor with a 'plonk' and just laughed, as Emily carried on dancing unaware of her absence.

"Hey!" She shouted, waving her arms in the air, a drunken kind of cry of 'help' Emily just laughed and pulled her up, and they continued dancing.

* * *

Downstairs Howard had put one of his Jazz records on and Hattie was smashing her head on the wall, the sounds! They just didn't work for her.

"Howard, can't you turn that off?" She asked, looking at him as he scatted around the room, he stopped and turned to look at her.

"I don't want to." He pouted.

"Well I think you should." Came a voice from the doorway, a young girl was standing there, a suitcase in one hand and a pillow in the other she was smiling broadly at the maverick. Howard took the needle off the record and greeted the girl at the door.

"Hello Jamie." He said taking the pillow and case from her, she just smiled and stood on her tip toes planting a soft kiss on Howard's cheek (she was only 5'1", and that mans tall) Hattie smiled at her and held out her hand.

"Hello I'm Hattie." She said, giggling slightly, Jamie took her hand and shook it politely.

"And you're drunk, awesome! Any more booze left?" She asked, Howard just turned and scowled at her giving her the 'you're too young now bugger off' look.

"Okay." Jamie mumbled slouching off upstairs, "Oh by the way," she said halfway up "I met someone called Eleanor on the way home, she said something about coming to see you – although I wasn't all that sure that she was in fact a she rather than a he." She finished, continuing up the stairs, laughing when she got to the top.

Howards face drained all of colour, and he began to tremble on the spot.

"What's wrong honey?" Hattie asked, getting up and staggering towards Howard.

"She's coming."

"Who?"

"Eleanor."

"Who's she! If she lays one finger on you then –" Hattie began to threat holding her finger out, but she was cut again by someone at the door.

"Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Hello." Came an American butch sounding voice, a woman (or man?) stood at the door, wearing a faux fur leopard print jacket, fish net tights, blue heels and a green skirt. Her make up look like she'd been shot with a paint ball gun and her hair was slicked over like a women's comb over.

"Lay a finger on me eh sweet cheeks? I'd like to see you try, well there's no need cause all I actually need is to borrow your bathroom – powder my nose you know?" She/He spoke, mincing off up the stairs and into the bathroom.

* * *

Emily fiddled around with her hair, she was bored and Lucie had passed out about ten minutes ago from exhaustion. She sighed, her only company was a ginger teenager who'd come past smiled and slouched off into Vince's room shouting something like "sleep somewhere else tonight you ponce I'm stealing your bed." And walking off slamming his door, this made her smile but now she was bored – she heard steps coming up the stairs and perked up looking beadily at the stairs and she gasped when she saw a 'woman' stomp up the stairs, she suddenly began to feel all warm and fuzzy inside and she watched as the 'woman' stepping into the bathroom, undoing her zipper on her skirt as she went in.  
Emily jumped up and looked at herself in the mirror – the pissed look, 'great' she mumbled to herself as she tried to adjust herself and make herself presentable, she watched in the mirror as the 'woman' walked out redoing her flys and grumbling something under her breath about the colour of the room, Emily spun around and smiled.

"Heya!" She slurred, the woman just stopped and looked at her, smiling.

"Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hello." She said walking over to Emily and holding her hand out, Emily took it and shook it happily.

"Who're you?" She asked.

"I'm Eleanor, and you?"

"Emily."

"Well, Emily wanna come to my love shack in Alco poco?"

"Isn't there anywhere in London?"

"Yeah, how about we just talk here and then, maybe get down to some love squeezin's?" Eleanor said, steering Emily over to the upside down sofa and sitting her down, smiling.

* * *

Steph traced her finger down Vince's forehead, over his nose and down to his mouth, smiling she then planted a kiss on his lips and fell asleep on his shoulder. Vince just smiled to himself and started humming twinkle twinkle little star before drifting to sleep himself, a broad smile painted across his lips.

* * *

Howard and Hattie sat propped up against the shop counter asleep safely in each others arms, smiling.

Lucie was asleep on the floor, dreaming about cheese, Eleanor and Emily where on the sofa kissing and sharing conversation, and Jamie had fallen off Vince's bed.

And everyone had an ending, however happy, warped or comical.


End file.
